Truck Driver Drama

Dec 19, 2006

10:04 AM

I am about to disappear for a few days. No, I'm not going to jail, but it will feel like it. I am taking a load of General Mills stuff to Carlisle, Pa.

First of all, I always get a little irritated when I have to deal with silent letter place names. Antique spellings always make me feel like I have to behave with more gentility, and I am in no mood for gentility when I am truck driving. Don't get me wrong. I do manners. I am a very safe and courteous truck driver. I go out of my way to let people merge, but gentility is too much!

Secondly, it takes a long time to get there. I am used to three hundred mile trips. Seven hundred mile trips mean that I have to listen to four hundred miles of my inner child saying, "Are we there yet?"

Thirdly, Pennsylvania is beautiful, but treacherous. The roads go up and down and left and right. They are narrow and dominated by people who are used to them.

Fourthly, there isn't much access to entertainment—as a rule—when you are driving a truck, but there is even less of it in Pennsylvania. The only joy on the whole trip will be stopping at the travel plazas along the turnpike and checking out the eye candy.

Fifthly, I know that one of the safety managers wants to lecture me about the lackadaisical and creative way I do my log books. I know I have sinned, but the tiresome creature feels that it is necessary to lecture me about it. Worse yet, she thinks she is important, so she repeats every point three times. I have trouble dealing with authority figures as it is. Repetitive authority figures push me to the point of losing control. I may have to hitchhike back to Rockford.

Sixthly, something bad always happens whenever I go to Pennsylvania. One time, I had to layover (sit and wait) in York for a day and a half before they found a load going back west. So I sat, lonely and frustrated, with no way to get to Gettysburg or some other tourist Mecca. I was so bored that I went partying at the bars within walking distance. I ended up getting robbed.

Seventhly, there is no easy access to wifi anywhere along the route. So it will feel like I am cut off from my Friends and Flock. A sympathy call from any of you who have my cell number would be greatly appreciated. Thank Whatever that I have a nationwide calling plan.

Woe is me! I have considered this trip and found seven things to bitch about. I am beginning to sound like a real truck driver.