Supremely Weird

Dec 22, 2006

3:37 AM

I was duly reprimanded and written-up for displeasing the doyens of bureaucracy by not turning my inventive log sheets in on time. My sentence? A day spent in York with little access to the finer amenities available in these parts. I did, however, make a pilgrimage to a free wifi spot and hook up gratis. The free spot adjoins a Wal-Mart. So, eleventh hour Xmas shopper that I am, I went to scout for a DVD player for my daughter, and some consumables for my growling tummy.

This was the nastiest Supercenter I have ever laid eyes on. It was dirty, ill stocked, and deserted. The employees were stocking the shelves as if they were stoking the fires of Hell and all of their relatives were residents of the fiery hole. Some of the younger employees were howling and yelling at some of the other younger employees. I felt real pity and sympathy for the ragged—apparently ungifted—older employees. I studied the DVD players, and decided not to buy one yet. After all, I have a good 72 hours before the deadline. I don't even start to itch until I get inside of hour 23.

As I was wheeling around on a search for snacks in the food aisles, something familiar and bizarre graced my ears. It was The Pixies' Monkey Gone To Heaven. Never heard of it? I don't expect that many of you have. The Pixies were one of those tremendously influential, but unsuccessful and little known bands that I have a particular fondness for. They were influential though. Kurt Cobain cited them as such.

It was supremely weird to hear this song playing in a Wal-Mart. We Americans love to shop according to price. You can tell by Wal-Mart's success. In fact we worship deals and value above everything else—except for maybe the automobile. It's understandable. It is acceptable. It is the thing that we do en masse. It is the most normal thing we do. We shop. It is pervasive.

So I am doing the most normal thing that I do, in the most normal store in America, with signs of decay and decadence all around me. And this song is playing throughout the store;

Monkey Gone To Heaven

there was a guy
an under water guy who controlled the sea
got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
from new york and new jersey
this monkey's gone to heaven
the creature in the sky
got sucked in ahole
now there's a hole in the sky
and the ground's not cold
and if the ground's not cold
everything is gonna burn
we'll all take turns
i'll get mine, too
this monkey's gone to haven
rock me joe!
if man is 5
if man is 5
if man is 5
then the devil is 6
then the devil is 6
then the devil is 6
then the devil is 6
then the devil is 6
then god is 7
then god is 7
then god is 7
this monkey's gone to heaven

Like I said. It was weird. But I dug it.