Status

Nov 9, 2006

10:35 AM

Empty? Feeling low? You expected more from life, didn’t you? I know exactly what you need. Status.

The good news is that there are several things you can do to improve your status. Finish school, find a job that pays $10,000 more per year, find a decent therapist and work on your core issues for a start. Then quit smoking, live a healthier lifestyle, join a community service organization. Join a gym, get breast augmentation, liposuction, a tummy tuck, a butt lift, and enhance your penis. Dye your hair and acquire fake identification to knock ten years off of your life. Chose more powerful friends. Learn to use people. Become corrupt enough to scare normal people. Learn how to get other people to do your dirty work and brag for you.

Cure cancer, create a new religion, learn to fly. Get your teeth straightened. Go see a dermatologist. Run for political office, form a death-rock band.

Develop an athletic ability, become a movie star, do something scandalous enough to become the current obsession of the tabloids.

Die and resurrect.

Grow some charisma.

            Change your attitude about yourself. That's the tough one.