The Gooiest Stuff Ever (Why I don't write children's stories.)

Jun 2, 2007

Sallydra was an average seven year old girl who had an average five year old brother named Bendrew.

They lived in a town named Median that was in the middle of the country.

Their Mom and Dad both worked. Except now they were both unemployed because the spring factory had closed down.

Dad would complain to Mom that their jobs had gone to China.

Sallydra and Bendrew liked having their parents home all of the time. Except that every once and a while Mom and Dad would have an argument about jobs.

The arguments didn't last very long though. And when the arguments were over, Mom and Dad would go to their bedroom, close the door, and jump on the bed for about half an hour.

Sallydra and Bendrew would watch TV until their parents were finished jumping.

Sallydra asked Mom why parents could jump on beds but kids weren't allowed to.

Mom said, "Because adults are more coordinated than children."

Bendrew asked, "Why do you close and lock the door when you jump on the bed?"

Mom said, "People are supposed to bed jump in private. There are laws against bed jumping in public."

Sallydra and Bendrew looked forward to becoming adults so they could bed jump.

Mom and Dad complained that there were no jobs in Median that paid as well as the spring factory.

Finally, Mom got a job that she could do at home.

Mom and Dad moved the computer into their bedroom and bought a webcam.

Mom would work at odd times of day with the bedroom door closed and locked.

When she worked, Dad would turn the TV up rather loud and sit on the couch with a funny look on his face.

One afternoon Bendrew asked Dad why he looked funny when Mom was working.

Dad said, "Why don't you two go outside and play."

So Bendrew and Sallydra went outside.

Sallydra said, "What do you want to do?"

Bendrew said, "I dunno. Throw rocks?"

"Naw. That can leave a scar. I know! Let's look for gooey things on the sidewalk."

"Yeah! Let's find the gooiest stuff ever!"

Sallydra and Bendrew looked around and found a couple of sticks to test things on the sidewalk for their gooeyness because kids do stupid shit like that.

            The End!